Blinky Saves The Day
by Abyssal Angel
Summary: This was supposed to be just a little blurb for the Idea Drawer about using the Basilisk to circumvent most of the issues of the Potter-verse with appropriate applications of petrifying gaze. Somehow that evolved into a one shot that just wouldn't END! So I was finally like, Screw this! OP to the max! End it! END IT NOW! DISCLAIMER: If you recognize it, I don't own it.


Ok, I'm Harry Potter. I used to be Matthew, a guy who played video games, watched movies, and read fanfics. I also used to be 26. Now I've just turned 11. I'm also well aware of just how screwed I am, considering just about everything in this world is out to get Harry killed, all because of that stupid prophecy, a stupid dark lord, and another dark lord who'd successfully taken over the wizarding world and convinced everyone he's the good guy. The latter who is going to be hell bent on seeing me dead and/or lead me to consider suicide as the correct option. Well, I've only got one thing to this.

Screw that!

I was careful to follow the script provided by the first book all throughout the trip in Diagon Alley. No need for Darth Dumbles to see anything fishy when he inevitably peruses Hagrid's mind to check the status of his 'weapon/victim'. I did make sure to scoop a heck of a lot more galleons into my bag just in case. While Hagrid was out getting a pint to settle from the Goblin Rollercoaster ride, I hurried back to the bank and exchanged a chunk of the Galleons for pounds and then hurried off back to the place Hagrid left me at, Madam Malkins. Thanks to the deviation, I managed to avoid Malfoy thankfully. Hagrid did end up getting me a white owl. I honestly would have appreciated a cat more, since birds tend to nip, and that hurts, but with my luck I'd get a part kneazle. While that would be awesome on one hand, on the other, I plan on doing some shifty things in the future, and I don't want people wondering why my pet cat is always hissing at me. Either way, I named my new snowy owl Hedwig, not really feeling comfortable with renaming an Owl that is very much already named in my mind.

Once I'd been dropped off back at the Dursley's place by Hagrid, I went back inside and made use of the Dursley's determination to ignore me and simply stayed in my room, reading some from the course books I'd picked up to while away the time.

The next day I woke up early and headed out of the Dursley's house, trunk and all. If I had a say, I wouldn't be returning to that place anytime soon, if at all. I flagged down the Knight Bus and had it take me to King's Cross station. I figure if there's anywhere I could find directions to a nonmagical store or two, it'd be there. I was right.

I made my way to a department store and picked up a brand new wardrobe. Nothing fancy, just the usual socks, shoes, briefs, jeans, T-shirts, and a jacket. I even got a few hats for disguise purposes, as well as a good pocket knife. It hardly made a dent in my wallet. I quickly dropped off the horrid hand-me-downs in the dumpster behind the store. Good riddance.

That done, and figuring what better place than behind the store where no one can see, I summoned the night bus again. Stan Shunpike didn't even recognize me from before, with my new clothes and hat. Mission accomplished it seems.

Getting off at the Leaky Cauldron, I went inside and paid Tom the barkeep for a room and anonymity. He's sharper than Stan at least. He recognized me from yesterday despite the cap, and considering the near suffocation I got as well, he was completely understanding about remaining anonymous.

Once up in my room, I changed into my robes in order to blend in. I knew I'd still look weird with the cap on, but it was either that or walk around with a hood, and I'd rather not play up the look of a Dark Lord thanks.

I left my trunk in the room and got a late breakfast, quizzing Tom on some of the things available in Diagon Alley and other alleys connected to it. I cursed my luck that Diagon Alley and Knockturn are literally the two sole places available to go. I'd been hoping a place like 'Mort Alley' where muggleborns had set up a magical shopping mall or strip mall would exist, but no such luck. I did at least get directions to a shop that makes and sells enchanted items where I might be able to get a new pair of better glasses. Turns out Opticians don't exist in the magical world. Go figure. It also seems as though if I want any sort of medical procedures done, like getting my eyes fixed, I'll have to go to St. Mungos.

After eating, I went over to Diagon Alley. My first stop is the previously mentioned shop to get new glasses. If I don't get a better prescription than this soon, I'm going to go bonkers!

Stepping inside, I checked some of the wares before being approached by the proprietor. Once I'd explained what I needed, he nodded and I was soon the proud owner of a new pair of glasses, charmed to self correct automatically, as well as dim in high light levels. More than that though, it also increases the light level so I can see in the dark as well as able to zoom in on far off objects. I even got them cheap when I introduced the idea to charm them to see heat. Unfortunately contacts don't exist in the Wizarding world yet. All of that, and all I have to do to activate some of them is to either touch certain spots on the frame, shake my head a certain way, or they do it automatically. I took great amusement in getting the charm for infrared to activate with a flip of my head up or down.

That done, I made a closer check of items available in the store. Most were curios or useless to me, like the Rememberall, but a few were interesting. I found a charm that when squeezed, would cause food nearby to glow to show if it's poisoned or not. I paid a bit extra to have that added to my glasses as well so only I would see the glow. Again, this came cheap since the proprietor had never thought to do that before. Unfortunately seeing magic was unavailable. Seeing sound and smell in color were options, but when I tested them out, they were mostly disorienting.

With nothing else catching my eye, I left and headed towards the trunk shop where I'd picked up my trunk. While a school trunk would be a good decoy, I want a trunk where I'd keep my more private and precious items. To that end, I ended up getting an apartment trunk that abused space expansion charms like crazy, along with several others you'd probably find in a high end magical home. I also went for a full security feature, with some custom ideas once more that the proprietor was able to pull off and gave me a discount for the idea. My new trunk is now essentially bind on pickup, blood locked, and has a notice me not as powerful as the guy could make it, which made it just short of the fidelius. And even if that was somehow bypassed, the trunk being made of mokeskin meant it would shrink so small it would be pointless to open anyway. A simple tap of the wand would make it expand to regular size. I put it around my neck on a silver chain. The guy was even able to get a working set of charms running for a particularly wild idea I had. Now I can transfer belongings into the trunk by putting the trunk on top of it and tapping it twice with a wand. Very useful. Better still, I could activate these features from inside by tapping the door frame to the outside of the trunk from inside. Now I have a pretty darn secure mobile home/hideaway. It cost me a heck of a ton of gold, even with the discount, but it is so worth it. Only thing left would be to charm it with Fidelius with me as secret keeper. Maybe someday.

My next stop is the book store. Once in there, I go wild. One of my apartment rooms is a decent sized library filled with empty shelves. I quickly grabbed one of everything that looked remotely useful as well as fun. The rest I dismissed as useless. I really don't need to know how Lockhart killed such and such after all. I did pick up a set of books about Harry in what I'm assuming is the fiction section that should make for an amusing read.

After stowing my purchases with my wallet considerably lighter, not helped by the fact that I'd moved the majority of the gold into my trunk for safe keeping, I made my way to the Quidditch store and purchased a decent broom as well as a spare. If I can wrangle it I'd like to take the spare apart and learn how the flight charms tick. If I can figure it out, I might get people flying, including myself. At the very least, clothes charmed to allow flight should be viable. If not, a magical jetpack should be good.

After that, I did the rounds through Diagon Alley, purchasing anything and everything I could get my hands on that seemed useful. That included robes fitting someone of Harry Potter's social station, in case I ever had need of them. The rest of the stores mainly sold things I would classify as curios. Honestly, what would I ever need a miniature three trunked Elephant for? Flashy, but useless seems to be the name of the game here. Reminds me of the Fleamarket near my parent's house back home.

Home. I paused at that thought. Will I ever get back there? Do I WANT to go back there? For all the hell I could end up going through in this place, this is honestly the most fun I've had in years. As it is, I don't really have to stay in Britain. Heck, as much as I've tried blending in, I still have my American accent. It got me funny looks when I was talking to the cashier at the non magical stores.

At the very least, maybe I should get myself out of here and over to a country that doesn't have British connections. I'm ridiculously well versed in living as a muggle after all. A head band, hair cut, dye job, and some colored contacts, plus a bit of tanning, and I should be good.

But then Voldemort will have free reign won't he? I'd basically be condemning everyone here to live in Albus Dumbledore's web with Voldemort running amok. Plus if the prophecy is to be taken literally, Voldemort is literally immortal, as well as myself…

Ah crap! The Horcrux! Is that thing in my forehead? That settles it, there's no way I can leave. I'm not living with a spectral parasite in my head! But that still means dealing with Dumbledore. I am NOT going to let him subvert my life and run me down into committing suicide and/or murder. And trust me, if I'm stuck with the Dursley's, something will definitely have to give. I'm not perfect, and if I'm stuck in that kind of environment… let's just say I'd rather avoid that at all costs so I'll never find out exactly what I'd do to get out of it.

So… how to neutralize Dumbledore… He's head of the premiere magical school, the judicial system of the government, and the Wizarding World version of the UN. There's literally no way to legally cut ties with him since he's the head of the system. That means I have to deal with him directly. Guess that means going with my original plan then. I was hoping it wouldn't have to come to that…

Looks like I'll have to bide my time. I can't stay at the Leaky Cauldron. All it would take is one person recognizing me, and that info will eventually get to Dumbledore, and lead him to wondering why I'm not at the Dursley's, fitting the mold he has in mind for me. Can't rock the boat too much.

With nothing else for it, I ended up returning to the Dursleys. I spent the majority of my time in my trunk reading and going out for food. I hardly ever saw anyone else in the house since I made a point of only going out to purchase groceries at times when they were all gone out.

Other than that, I spent the majority of my time practicing 'accidental' magic. It took a heck of a lot of effort. I only made a breakthrough while I was holding my wand and I swished it about a bunch to get more sparks to come out. I noticed the tingling warmth going from the center of my chest and down my arm and I realized that's what was missing when I was trying to wandlessly cast earlier. Concentrating on that feeling while holding the wand, I started to see if I could get it to move around in other directions whilst holding the wand. It was a bit like trying to reroute a stream of water with your bare hands, but it more or less worked. Once I got the hang of it, I tried it without the wand. It was significantly harder, but with practice came a bit ease of use as time went on.

Finally once I had the magic down to flowing it out of my hand, as well as throughout the rest of my body, I cast wingardium leviosa, the levitation spell. Time to see what happens.

A few minutes later, an owl flew through the open window of my room. Regal and tawny, it deposited a letter from the Ministry, warning me not to use magic outside of school. Luckily since I've not even been to Hogwarts yet, they let me off with just the warning and said they weren't going to mark it in my record since I couldn't have known.

I looked up and nodded to the owl, which hooted and took off. Guess I don't need to reply back.

More importantly this proves two things about the trace for underage magic. One, it's NOT tied to the wand, and two, since they detected the actual spell and not the playing around with raw magic, so long as I actually avoid casting any known spells I should be alright. It also makes the possibility that the Trace functions off of location, so I might not get caught if I practiced in Diagon Alley, very likely.

I quickly used the Knight Bus to get myself over there. It's risky, but considering that Diagon Alley is only one of three places I know of where magicals congregate, and the other two are Hogsmeade and Hogwarts, literally Dumbledore's backyard, I'll just have to take the chance here.

Getting myself another room was easy. So long as I made sure Tom couldn't see my eyes using the brim of my hat, I'm fairly certain he won't be able to tell who I am. Once in the room, I took a deep breathe and crossed my fingers. If I'm wrong about this, I could get another warning, and this one probably _will_ go into my record, especially considering they were nice enough not to before, and I'm basically spitting on that here. Push comes to shove though, Dumbledore will just think me a little eager I hope.

Once again, I pulled out my magic, getting it flowing down my arm, then cast. I could've used my wand, but I want to remove as many variables as possible. For all I know, the Trace could detect the magic itself, AND wand use. I floated an object around the room, then opened a window, and waited.

And waited.

…Considering it took only two minutes before the owl came last time, I think I can safely say casting spells at Diagon Alley is anonymous. Whooping quietly, I spent the rest of the day practicing casting spells, pushing the boundaries of my magic, especially transfiguration. I ended up proving that magic is intent based by transfiguring a rock into a large marble and back with nothing but sheer will. It was a simple step from there to having full on TK by ignoring the whole wingardium leviosa thing, but it still took a lot of effort to make it work. Casting without a wand is hard work!

I took food up in my room to maintain anonymity. When Tom delivered the food, I made sure to pay him a generous tip. I'd be staying the night just in case. I'd have paid for staying longer, but I'm already pushing it since Tom is a nice enough sort, and I think he's only put up with me so far despite how shady I've been because I won't be here long and my obvious age. If I pushed it by making him have to deal with a shady person for a much longer time, he might just give it up as a bad job and contact the Aurors. While I can most likely trust Amelia Bones, there are too many Aurors like Kingsley in Dumbledore's pocket to risk it.

So, I've gotta make the most of my time here. So I started practicing spells, particularly the ones that I need the most for what I plan to do, and my backup plan in case my first plan fails. I'm up into the wee hours of the night, but I've finally pulled off the two spells I practiced well enough to risk it. I'm just really hoping that I don't have to resort to my backup plan. Everything hinges on doing this before I have to deal with the sorting hat. If I get that thing on my head, it's game over. I've seen so many stories go with the rule that the Sorting Hat is magically bound to protect the secrets of those it sits on, but honestly, in a world as backwards as the Wizarding World, why would they have ever thought of such a modern concept as mental privacy? Nevermind that the headmaster of the school obviously ignores such a thing, so it's far more likely that he'd be privy to whatever the sorting hat finds in the children's heads. So no, there's no way I'm letting that thing on my head, or letting Albus or Severus look me in the eye. Not happening.

It's too bad Occlumency isn't more widely known. A book on it or the mental arts wasn't available in the book store or its catalog. Makes sense really. I'd imagine that'd be more likely to be available to Aurors and Healers than anyone else. And Dumbledore of course. Not out of any sense of protecting the masses though, oh no. More likely Albus made it that way so no one but a select few would be privy to such an ability. Can't have anyone accusing dear old Dumbledore or his pet death eater of mind rape now can we?

With both my planned spells practiced as well as possible, I finally got some sleep. Come morning, I made my way to Diagon Alley and made a special purchase from a parchment store, then went on my way back to the Dursleys. There, I'd spend the rest of my days up until the train practicing magic. Obviously I couldn't actually do any spells, but I constantly swirled my magic within my own skin, keeping it raw and purposeless to not alert the Ministry. By the time Sept 1st came around, I could literally call my magic up within the blink of an eye. I'm also fairly sure I don't even need hand gestures anymore to cast, but that's just an untested theory.

I also ended up practicing meditation on the offchance I'd be able to stumble upon Occlumency myself. So far it hasn't worked though. I either fall asleep, or simply nothing happens. I've tried channeling magic while attempting to meditate but it's too distracting. Honestly, I've only ever successfully meditated while staring into a candle flame anyway, but even doing that didn't result in anything, other than feeling really relaxed. There must be something beyond 'emptying the mind' to get this Occlumency thing really going. Hopefully I'll be able to find out later.

Once September first came around, I once again bypassed the relatives and simply took the Knight Bus to Kings Cross Station. By simple virtue of being early and already knowing how to get onto Platform 9 ¾, I completely bypassed the Weasleys. I've nothing against the majority of them, excluding Molly and Ginny, but they're took deep into Dumbledore's pocket for me to be able to get close to them, which is too bad. I may not be the most social of people, but apart from the rare bits of conversation at the grocery store with cashiers, I've not really had anyone to talk to. It's been rather lonely and depressing to be honest.

I took a moment to admire the Hogwarts Express as I passed it. It's not everyday you get to see a bright scarlet steam engine train. Thanks to the hat and clothes, I'm fairly certain no one will recognize me anyway, considering there aren't many people around yet.

Once on the train, I made it all the way back to the caboose and took a compartment there. That done, I drew the curtains and locked the door, placing my school trunk in the rack above the seats. I'm well aware a simple alohamora would unlock the door, but I'm hoping that if I'm quick and use my TK to hold the door shut, I should be alright. I wouldn't mind meeting anyone, but I really don't want to have to deal with Ron, Hermione, or Malfoy. I wouldn't mind if Neville shows up alone, but that's not likely to happen. Not to mention I can't really afford any distractions by what I'm going to do. There are so many things that could go wrong here, but I can't afford to fail now. I just wish I could've scouted the castle before I showed up, but hopefully phase 1 of plan A should take care of that.

It took some waiting. I had to deal with the occasional door rattle and knocking, but so far no one has tried to magic the door open. Thank goodness for that.

Finally, the train lurched and started to move forward. Peeking out the window, I waited until I couldn't see the station anymore, then a few minutes past that before making my move.

Stepping out of the compartment, I started making my way down the train, keeping the brim of my hat low and checking each compartment for my targets.

I finally found them midway down the train. I shifted the door open, and prepared to speak, but was beaten to it.

"Oy, what do we have here Fred?"

"Looks like an ickle firsty George."

"Lost are we?"

"Or come to pay respects to the tarantula?"

I grinned. If for nothing else, their antics are good for a laugh.

"Gred and Forge, the premiere pranksters of Hogwarts, second only to the mighty Marauders. Would you care to test that title? I've a prank of epic proportions on the school in the works, but it could certainly use the Terrible Twin Touch. Interested?"

"It seems the firstie, just might be interesting after all, George!"

"Oy! I thought I was Fred!"

"Too right, too right Fred!"

"If you're interested, meet me in the back left cabin on the train."

At that I promptly left. I realize they could've just followed right after, but surprisingly they didn't. I made it back to my compartment. It was only a few minutes later the twins showed up, entering the compartment.

"So, what's this prank you need-"

"-the help of the Weasley Twins for?"

"And for that matter-"

"-just who is it that's asking for our help, eh Forge?"

"You said it Gred."

I grinned. I couldn't help it. The Twins have always amused me, even if their actions can easily be construed as a touch dark, or at least misguided.

"Well, who I am is complicated. Quite a few know me as Harry Potter, but very few know me as… the Son of Prongs."

Both Fred and George's eyes went wide, especially when I mentioned the son of Prongs bit.

"Are you-"

"-really?"

I smirked, and took off the hat to lift the fringe of my hair up, even as I said, "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good."

"Bloody Hell!" They both exclaimed at once.

They were practically eating out of my hands at that point. It wasn't all that difficult to get them to hand over the Marauder's map at that point. The hard part came from convincing them that was all I needed their help with. Eventually I ended up asking them to cause a distraction in the great hall before the first years showed up. I don't think they've ever had the challenge of a high profile prank this early in the year with only the time left on the train ride to plan and then only a mere handful of minutes to set it up and get it to go off. Either way, it went without a hitch, and while the Weasley twins bantered back and forth and eventually left, I spent my time studying the map intently, memorizing the routes I needed to two particular locations from the front entrance if I'm to pull this off. I'd considering going from wherever Hagrid brought us in, but that would take too much time. If I'm going to pull this off, time is absolutely of the essence.

Eventually the train started to slow as it got dark out. I got changed into my robes and took the small dose of aging potion I'd bought in Diagon for this very purpose.

Now appearing as a teenage boy, who would fit in better with the older kids, I got off the train quickly as it stopped and hopped onto the first thestral drawn carriage I saw, noting with interest that I couldn't see the Thestrals. I suppose that makes sense, considering I never actually saw someone kick the bucket back home, though by all rights Harry should've seen them considering he saw his mother killed in front of him. Ah well.

Having hurried, I got into one of the carriages near the front and waited. After a few more students entered, noting my lack of tie and crest, as well as my keeping my vision turned away from them indicating I didn't wish to be bothered, the carriage finally headed off towards the castle. I couldn't help but feel a little awe approaching it like this. It really is like a fairy tale castle, even if the view isn't nearly as spectacular as it probably is from across the lake.

Once I got off, I used all my skills at anonymity to blend into the crowd, made far easier by my lack of height, even with the aging potion. As soon as I had the chance, I broke off from the crowd unnoticed. As soon as I was out of sight, I hurried along the memorized route, even going so far as to bring the map back out to ensure I wouldn't get lost.

Finally, I made it to my first destination. I quietly went in, just in case. Determining no one was there as far as I could tell, I approached a certain sink and hissed at it quietly to open. I'm so lucky I was able to confirm my parseltongue ability on a personal trip the reptile house at a local zoo. Seems I'm really getting the whole shebang with being Harry Potter, even with the conflicting American accent. I figured as much when I proved compatible with the rather famous Holly and Pheonix feather wand.

As soon as the sink slid out of the way to reveal the passage down, I called for some stairs in that I wouldn't really have to slide down that mucky tunnel. To my luck, it did! I quickly but quietly travelled down the steps, disappearing from the map as I did. As soon as I was far enough down, I hissed at the entrance to close it, then cast a wandless lumos to see my way, keeping a tight grip on the stone in my other hand. I really hope this works.

I made it down to the bottom, and the stairs immediately retracted as soon as I reached the bottom. Needless to say, I quickly got some practice with the Scourgify charm, unable to stand the musty mildew smell and all the rat skeletons down here. I made my way over to the door, noting the torch sconches lighting up as I passed by. I hissed the fancy snake lock door open, and entered the giant room with the 50 foot tall statue of Slytherin in the back. I'll honestly never know just what the producers were thinking leaving said statue as a giant bust. Honestly.

I took a look around. There appear to be two side tunnels much like the one I just entered in off to the sides.

Taking a deep breath, I unshrunk my trunk, and opened it, directing out of it with my TK phase two. Half a dozen fat cows. Getting them had nearly taken the entirety of the pounds out of my wallet, but I was able to get more through exchange at the Goblins easily enough. With them arrayed in front of me, and visibly spooked, I turned to the statue, averting my eyes just in case, and hissed out the password.

'_Speak to me! Greatest of the Hogwarts four!'_

As expected, the great stone mouth ground open, and a long hiss, the equivalent of a yawn sounded out from it.

'_who disssturbs, my ssslumber?'_

Unable to stop the smirk despite the situation, I couldn't help myself and answered,

'_It is I, Harry Potter.'_

I heard it hiss again as it coiled closer. I was unnerved that despite the sheer size of it, I couldn't feel any vibrations through the ground from its movement.

'_I sssmell your liesss. Who are you, ssspeaker?'_

I gulped lightly. This isn't going so well.

'_I am known as Harry Potter, but my name is Matthew.'_

It slithered closer. I was distinctly aware at this point that even if I dodged, or enacted my failsafe, it's too late. Either this works, or I'm very likely going to die.

'_Hmmm… truth. Why have you awoken me?'_

So I explained. I did my best to keep it short, explaining about the evil Dumbledore was committing in his bid to control and manipulate the Wizarding world like a giant spider, to which the King of Snakes hissed angrily. Evidently spiders have a very real reason to fear the Basalisk, since evidently acromantula are the natural prey of the giant snake. I also explained how Dumbledore had even twisted Slytherin's last descendant till he died having committed great evil and destroying many lives needlessly. While the great snake didn't seem to be worried so much about the actual killing, the bit about the breaking of his soul and the needless part of the killing angered the Basalisk even more.

I explained what the plan was and that we'd need to move quickly in order to enact it. To my relief, It explained that it could control it's stare so it wouldn't kill me. So I looked up and saw it had a filmy translucent eyelid, just barely hiding great poisonous yellow eyes that would put Sauron's to shame.

I quickly got up on its back to catch a ride as well as be able to use the map to direct it to catch any stragglers. Just before we left out the pipe, I asked, _'I'm sorry, I didn't ask your name?'_

'_Sssss… it's Blinky.'_

Nonplussed and a bit stunned at the silly name, I didn't say anything, and Blinky simply slid up the pipe and out a secret exit closest to the Great Hall. Just outside the doors, I slid off and stepped to the side, then Blinky quickly slid forward.

The door burst open to reveal chaos. Evidently the twins had somehow ended up setting off fireworks. The first years seemed to be enjoying the show, but the fact remains that fireworks indoors and shooting around nearly ramming people, with the teachers attempting to cast and vanish the things, which was difficult since they were fast.

All that came to an abrupt halt as almost as one, the entirety of the rooms occupants, turned towards the slammed open doors only to see a great big snake head.

Blinky, for his part, (or her, another think I neglected to ask) lifted up a second set of eyelids, leaving one down, and swept his gaze over the room. As one, every single inhabitant of Hogwarts, barring Trelawny and a few ghosts, were immediately petrified. This included Dumbledore and Quirrelmort, solving both of my biggest problems rather nicely.

I asked Blinky to pick both up in his jaws and take them down to the Chamber of Secrets. In a moment of worry, I asked if Blinky's petrification could wear off. Thankfully he(she?) said it wouldn't. As soon as the statues were dropped off in the chamber, I finally relaxed. I can only wonder what the house elves might think of me for this, if they even knew I did it at all. I figure I'll find out when I go to the kitchens later for food.

Partway to the Chamber of Secrets with Dumbles and Quirrelmort, a sudden realization had me calling for the Basalisk to stop. Voldie can still access the Chamber of Secrets himself. If one of his Horcruxes ever showed up possessing someone, they could free Quirrelmort and get rid of Dumbledore in one fell swoop, and I really don't need those two at large.

Instead, I directed the Basalisk to take a detour to the seventh floor. On the way, I asked the Basalisk, whom I'd started to refer to in my head as Blinky, about Salazar Slytherin. Turns out he was just as bad about blood purity as everyone thought he was. Knowing this, I carefully asked the Basalisk about itself and its stance on such things. My heart sank as it went into what seemed to be its favorite subject, killing muggles and those of impure blood. Probably the effect of hearing Slytherin harp on about it. I was hoping that Tom might've just hoodwinked Blinky into killing others, but it seems the Basalisk really is just a monster.

I became uncomfortably aware that I'm currently walking next to a giant snake that could kill me in oh so many numerous ways. I forced myself to stay calm though. Considering the snake is still waxing poetical about blood purity, it wasn't too hard.

As soon as we reached the Come and Go Room, I walked back and forth in front of the stretch of wall. Soon, a Basalisk sized door appeared, and I asked it to drop off the two statue like people at the end of the room. As soon as the last of the Basalisk's tail slipped into the long hall I'd asked for, the door slammed shut and I heard a rooster crow.

Not stupid enough to just walk into the room in case the Basalisk wasn't actually dead, I decided to test the room's capabilities and walked back and forth, requesting a magical window to see into the room with the Basalisk. Unfortunately nothing showed up. I guess the magic is limited only to doors from the outside.

Grimacing, I pulled the basilisk sized door open a crack. I can see the tail end of the Basalisk. It's either really good at holding still, or it's actually dead. Still, I don't want to take any chances. Directing my magic across the room, I called the petrified statues over to me. It took a few tries, but I eventually had them dragged out the door. I then requested the room to keep the Basalisk in stasis for now. There's no visible change, so I'm just going to hope that it worked and closed the door back up.

That done, I sighed and called up a new room, requesting that it would only appear for me, and stowing Dumbles and Quirrelmort in there until I can figure out a way to deal with both. As soon as I closed the door, it disappeared.

My stomach chose that moment to growl loudly. Hopefully I could get some food in the Great Hall. Making my way back there, I quickly realized the food hadn't been set out yet. Everyone was still stuck in various positions for the sorting, the hat stuck in McGonagall's frozen grip, and the first years just entering through the side door. I'd gotten lucky. Everyone in the castle had been here at the sorting, even Trelawney and Filch, so I didn't have to go hunting for anyone with the late Blinky. It's just too bad it had been evil. My job isn't really done considering this world still isn't safe, what with all the terrorists AKA Death Eaters currently employed in the Ministry of Magic. Not to mention there's still all of the Horcruxes to consider.

I was just about to leave the Great Hall, when a flash of fire caught my attention. I spotted Fawkes the Pheonix sitting on the back of the Headmaster's chair and froze. Would Fawkes attack me for incapacitating Dumbledore?

Fawkes stretched out his wing to beckon me forward with a very human like gesture of his feathers. I almost considered running for it, but immediately dismissed the idea. With the Pheonix's ability to teleport, there's no way I'd get away. Swallowing nervously, I stepped forward till it gestured me to stop just a few feet from the faculty table. The Pheonix met my eyes with such a piercing stare, I dared not blink. Time almost seemed frozen as neither of us moved.

Finally, the Pheonix gave a trill that sent a wave of relief soaring through me and I released the breath I hadn't even realized I'd been holding. With one final trill, Fawkes launched into the air and disappeared in a flash. I carefully walked towards a clear spot at one of the tables and sat down, feeling weak. I'd honestly never felt so scared in my entire life. The relief was making me feel both giddy and weak. I took a few moments before my stomach directed me to return to my quest for food.

Using the map, I made my way to the kitchens. Tickling the pear, a handle appeared. I hesitated for a moment, then pulled the door open. I was immediately set upon by elves offering me food and welcoming 'the young master'. Accepting the food they were practically pushing on me, I soon found myself sitting at a table off to the side with more food piled in front of me than I'd ever seen at once in my life outside of Grocery stores!

Digging in, I satisfied my hunger before asking if I could talk to the head elf. Another elf appeared with the same uniform as the others, but with the Hogwarts crest embossed in Gold on his chest. He introduced himself as Jeeves, much to my amusement. It'd have been even funnier if it was Alfred or Jarvis. With a few nervously asked questions, I found out that the House Elves are very aware of what I'd done. Turns out they were waiting on Fawkes' judgment before doing anything, and since I seemed to have the Pheonix's approval, or at least tolerance, the House Elves would treat me just like any other student, since that's what I am, even if I haven't been sorted yet.

Having been fed, they shooed me off with suggestions that I get to sleep and promising to protect me and keep my secrets for as long as Fawkes doesn't judge me as evil. This made me wonder just why Fawkes didn't judge Dumbledore. Is it possible to hoodwink a Pheonix? I suppose if anyone would have found a way to do that, it would've been someone like Dumbledore.

Without any passwords to any of the dorms, I made my way back to the Room of Requirement and requested a suite, picturing in my mind a very nice hotel room with all the modern amenities. Soon enough, a nice white door appeared with a gold embossed handle and to my surprise, a hotel style electronic keycard lock with the card sticking out of it. Grabbing the key and seeing the light flash green, I opened the door and stepped inside.

Kicking my shoes off at the landing, I stepped onto the thick plush dark red carpet and fell onto the California king sized bed. I couldn't help but look around, staring. If I didn't know any better, I'd think I was actually in a nice modern hotel suite. There's an attached kitchen and a door I presume goes to a bathroom. There's a curtained window against the far wall and a set of couches arrayed around a large flat screen TV. I'm curious if it works, but I'm too tired to check right now. Snuggling under the covers, I soon fell asleep.

XxXxXxX

I awoke the next day to a wonderful smell coming from my kitchenette. Slowly waking up, I turned my head to see a house elf setting out plates of food for breakfast and eyeing various things around the room curiously.

A few questions, some gratitude, and a gushing house elf proclaiming my greatness for actually thanking it for something, and I found out that for there to be an unmanned kitchen anywhere in Hogwarts would be a grave insult to these particular House Elves, so since I have a kitchen, an Elf would be manning it so long as it exists. I offered to remove the kitchen if it was a problem, which then lead to me having to reassure the elf that I didn't find his, or any other elf's, presence a problem, and ultimately lead to me leaving the kitchenette in place. Besides, waking up to the smell of breakfast had been amazing.

Light filtering in through the window prompted me to look outside to see a beautiful view of the Lake outside. Better yet, the curtains are actually hiding a sliding glass door out onto a veranda. I'm well aware that the height I'm at is above the seventh floor and this room probably isn't even anywhere close to the outer wall, but that's what magic is for. This is probably the equivalent of a portal or something. Stepping outside, I breathed in the fresh air as the morning sun rose over the horizon. I could get used to this.

Stepping back inside, I ate breakfast and questioned the elf, Tilby, in my kitchen about going on's in the castle. Seems everything is practically frozen in time for the House Elves without any kids to clean up after, seeing as I'm literally the only up and about occupant of the castle. The House Elves had already cleaned up the statues as best they could, but other than that, they were basically in standby mode, like they usually are over the Summer with only having to look after a few teachers and the Headmaster when he's in.

What with having a large force of bored House Elves available, I quickly finished breakfast and asked if Jeeves could meet me in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. Just before I left though, curiosity got the better of me, and I flipped on the TV to see that it not only works, but I'm getting both British and American TV channels.

Turning the TV back off, I made my way to Myrtle's bathroom. Once there, I met Jeeves and opened up the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets for the House Elves to clean if they wanted to. Jeeves eyes went impossibly round, and the next thing I knew I had a House Elf wrapped around my legs, thanking me over and over again. Evidently they'd been wanting to clean the place for a while now, but they'd never been able to find it either. Until now that is.

Before Jeeves could teleport away with a snap, I asked him if he would have whoever cleans the Chamber to place any artifacts or items they find into the central chamber. Jeeves nodded and snapped away quickly before snapping back and saying that they couldn't get into the central chamber since it's also locked.

With Jeeves at my side, I took the stairs down into a Chamber of Secrets I could barely recognize from before. Gone are all the skeletons and rubble. Now the tunnel is more of a hallway well lit with torches and the floor is a highly polished black stone. Even the smell is gone!

Making my way to the end, I made the door to the Central chamber reopen, and was treated to the sight of House elves popping in so quickly and the room changing so fast, if I'd blinked I might've missed it. Like before, the chamber is now well lit and clean, the floor is polished, and the puddles of water and drips are gone.

In the center of the room is a small collection of items. I asked where they came from and Jeeves pointed out a few piles that were simply lying about in the tunnels, since we're technically in Hogwarts sewer system, though I'm unsure why Hogwarts would even need a sewer with magic available. The rest came from a room within the mouth of the statue of Slytherin, which is still sitting open.

At that point I asked if House Elves could safely dispose of dangerous objects. Being assured that they could, what with being the ultimate blue collar work force and all, I asked if they would give me a list of all the dangerous items piled here. Going over the list, I asked a few questions here and there about any item that I needed clarifying on. In the end, I had the House Elves destroy the lot, except for a few weapons and books that were only inherently dangerous in that they were weapons, though some had some fairly nasty enchantments, such as a silver dagger that would poison anyone it cut. The books were only dangerous in that they taught what had been classified as dark magic, though the books that actually did curse you, I had put aside to see if I could remove the curses and see if they were worth keeping. You never know when having a dark book might be handy. It might just let you know exactly what some curse no one's come across before is doing so it can be treated.

With all that sorted, I had the lot transferred to a new storage room in the Come and Go Room, one that's not only highly organized but would expand to accommodate as more stuff is sorted into it. I'm gonna call it The Archive.

Speaking of the Come and Go room, I asked Jeeves to accompany me there and entered the messy storage room where I knew the Diadem to be. I informed Jeeves about it, and he assured me that the Elves that were even now cleaning the room and sorting the stuff in it into The Archive would be careful.

Stepping out, I requested the Archive room and entered it. Already the room is quite large with multiple levels. Quite a few elves are popping in and out, shelving certain items, while an Elf in front of a desk next to the door is updating a log of all the items available. With this place being staffed by House Elves, I figure it couldn't be safer or more organized. Honestly, there's no excuse for bored House Elves if you can set them up with jobs like this that need constant attention.

That actually gives me an interesting idea. Calling over Jeeves, I asked him where the House Elves and Hogwarts in general got its food and supplies. Turns out that the House Elves purchase everything from just about everywhere in Britain and even the main land, the majority of the suppliers being unknowing Muggles. While I'm all for boosting the economy, self sufficiency is the name of the game. There's no reason why House Elves shouldn't have the manufacturing and farming industry cornered. But that's thinking a bit far ahead, so I simply asked Jeeves to set some House Elves aside to kickstart a farm in a new room in the Room of Requirement that would simulate an endless farmland, and another room that would work as a factory. With that setup, Jeeves informed me that the cost of tuition had just dropped to practically nothing, outside of what is needed to pay a Professor's salary and purchase the occasional supplies needed for the Elves to manufacture the items Hogwarts needs, but now there's an actual need to hire more House Elves for once.

At this point I couldn't help but ask Jeeves if I wasn't just the defacto Headmaster of Hogwarts at this point, considering the things I've been doing would seem to fall under his job. Jeeves shook his head and said that I'm still just a student. Evidently the only reason Jeeves has been able to do this because he's Head Elf, and with the Headmaster and Falculty unavailable, decisions such as these fall to him. In that case, I asked Jeeves why he was implementing my suggestions at all. He answered simply because they're good suggestions, and he would've gladly brought them before the Headmaster in the hopes they'd be implemented if anyone else had suggested these things. With no Headmaster, the decisions fell to him, cutting that part of the equation out.

At that point I was curious and asked what it would take to become Headmaster. Evidently there are a few ways. You must either be a Hogwarts Alumni that's graduated with honors, which would require being sworn in by all four heads of house unanimously agreeing to the appointment. Another way is to already be a Hogwarts Professor with ten years tenure in which case you can be sworn in by majority vote of the rest of the faculty, or automatically gain the appointment if you're the last teacher and pass Fawkes' judgement.

It's at this point I found out that Fawkes doesn't actually belong to Dumbledore, but is actually the Guardian of Hogwarts. So, technically, Fawkes belongs to the school, just like the House Elves and the Sorting Hat.

Filing that bit away, I checked in on The Archive as well as the farming room and factory room. Ravenclaw's Diadem has evidently been sealed away in stasis until a method of Horcrux removal has been found. It's actually a bit mind boggling how efficient the House Elves are going about all this. Satisfied with what's happening so far, I stepped out, only to freeze just before I accidently walked through the Bloody Baron. I looked around and found Sir Nicholas, The Fat Friar, and the Grey Lady there as well.

I can't believe I didn't even think to account for the Ghosts! None of them had showed up on the Map, so I hadn't even thought of them! None of them were even in the Great Hall. Even in the original timeline, they only showed up after everyone was sorted, unless you count that little room off to the side where the first years had been waiting and the Ghosts showed up there.

I ended up getting interrogated on my actions a little. I told them as much as I could about Dumbledore's and Quirrelmort's actions. Evidently the only reason the Ghosts hadn't fallen upon me in defense of the castle is also because of Fawke's Judgement. Bless that Pheonix!

With the Ghosts of Hogwarts more or less allied with me, that takes care of the Hogwarts side of things for now. I entered into my Suite with the Ghosts filing in behind. I'm not stupid enough to try and figure this all out on my own. Jeeves said he would be available, but needed to leave to oversee things for now.

With the Ghosts on board, and after some debating, I ended up turning the room where Quirrelmort and Dumbledore are into a high security prison and moved Snape in there as well, and posting the Ghosts and House Elves there as guards.

I then went to the Headmaster's office with the Ghosts in tow, and grabbed Dumbledore's Pensieve, depositing my memories of the Harry Potter books and movies in there, paying particular attention to the list of Death Eaters currently at large.

With the known Death Eaters and future criminals currently available, I left it in the hands of the Ghosts, who decided a clean sweep was in order. Soon, Elves started popping out and back in, dropping off unconscious Wizards and Witches in their own individual cells, each made to be just comfortable enough, but completely isolated from each other, considering these are high security level prisoners. They have food, a bed, an attached bathroom, and that's it. The elves also took a page from the Muggles and completely stripped the Wizards and Witches of their belongings, placing them in lock up or disposing of them if they're dangerous, then dressing the lot in orange jumpsuits.

To say that there'd be an uproar in the Wizarding World, what with the majority of several highly influential people having suddenly disappeared without a trace, would be an understatement. I ended up using owl order to get a subscription of the Daily Prophet and the Quibbler just in time to get a special edition of the former. Evidently the government is in pure chaos with all the Death Eaters gone, including Crouch Senior.

In the mean time, I went to my room and decided to test my plan B, even if I didn't really need it anymore. Sitting down on the couch in front of the sitting table, I laid out the legal grade parchment I'd purchased from the parchment store those few weeks ago. I figured that if the Goblet of Fire could be tricked into making a binding magical contract with someone who hadn't signed the contract by using a simple confundus, I could probably use it for a lot of interesting things. Originally, if I'd had to kill Blinky immediately upon his release, I would've attempted to have Dumbledore and Quirrelmort petrified or incapacitated that way, but that proved unnecessary.

Instead, I decided to test out my theory of just what magical contracts could pull off. If they could do so much as bind your magic and/or kill you, which are pretty powerful effects, perhaps it could do other things as well. Grabbing my self inking quill, I wrote out: _I, Matthew AKA Harry Potter, am a boy. Else may magic cause me to feel amused for ten seconds._

I then signed my name on the bottom and waited. When nothing happened, I frowned. I thought there might be a flash or something. At my request, the Room of Requirement destroyed my first attempt at a contract, and I pulled over a fresh sheet of parchment.

_I, Matthew AKA Harry Potter, am a girl. Else, may magic cause me to feel amused for ten seconds._

Upon signing that, a few seconds after the quill left the page, the contract shriveled up as if burnt and turned into ash and then faded to nothing. More importantly, I chuckled merrily for the next ten seconds before the feeling faded. It worked!

I started laughing even more even as I pulled a new sheet towards me. I love magic!

_I, Matthew AKA Harry Potter, have twenty three toes and only one nostril. Else, may magic cause me to be able to have perfect control of magic._

Upon signing, a few seconds after the contract shriveled up, I felt a rush of power fill me. It's almost indescribable! With a mere thought, I had a goblet full of juice to drink out of, and I ported myself out onto the shore of the lake. With what essentially amounts to being able to affect reality in real time with nothing but my thoughts, I think I'll be just fine and safe in the Harry Potter verse for now. No need for silly wand waving and learning incantations now.

Finishing off my juice and vanishing the Goblet, I popped over to the prison. Within an eye blink, I had Dumbledore unpetrified, stripped of his belongings, and dressed in an orange jumpsuit with the rest. I then called all of the Horcruxes to me, stripped the fragments out of the objects, including myself. Other than suddenly feeling light headed, it was painless. Gotta love being over powered. I then unpetrified Quirrel and pulled Voldemort's original soul out of Quirrel, who collapsed over, already dead. Evidently he would be using the garlic smell in his turban to cover the smell of his decay. How awful.

Vanishing the remains of Quirrel, I released the soul of Voldemort, which promptly disappeared to wherever people go when they die since he had nothing holding him to the world anymore without his Horcruxes. I made sure Dumbledore could see that too before binding his magic and placing him in an old folks home with his paperwork already processed. Poor guy really needed retirement. I also ended up binding the magic of the other Death Eater's as well.

Satisfied, I turned around, only to nearly run into the four head ghosts gaping at me. I regarded them, then asked, "Is there any among you who would like to move on to the next great adventure?"

Upon asking that, I suddenly had a flood of Ghosts appearing from everywhere clambering to move on. Even one Professor Bins, who had given up hope of ever being able to allow the post to go to someone new. Evidently a certain Headmaster had found a way to tie him to the position.

With roughly 90% of the ghost population of Hogwarts now gone to the next life, I decided that so long as I have the power to do so, I might as well fix everything I could. Using my own magic in conjunction with the Come and Go Room, I ended up creating a copy of the Forbidden Forest in a new room, only much larger, and without any sentient animals, and transplanted the Acromantula Nest out of the Forbidden Forest to the newly dubbed Acromantula forest. I ended up creating a few copies of this room for other dangerous creatures of the forest, until eventually all that were left are benevolent and peaceful species. With that done, I figured the Forbidden Forest wouldn't need to be named as such, so renamed it the Magical Forest.

I then popped over to Azkaban and dropped all the Dementors off in their own little hell dimension where the ambient energy would keep them fed. Part of me wanted to simply destroy the lot, but I figured so long as the things are completely incapable of returning to this universe, it should be ok. I then converted Azkaban over to the same standard as the prison in Hogwarts, leaving a great many Auror's very confused if not downright alarmed with all the prisoners missing.

I also freed a certain Dog Animagus, dropping him off at his own suite back at Hogwarts. I then popped over to St. Mungos and made a show of curing everyone in the hospital in one fell swoop. I'm not interested in showboating though. I'm mainly more concerned in getting enough credit to be able to successfully get Sirius a real trial and make up for the huge power vacuum left over from Dumbledore and the Death Eaters disappearing.

While I did this, I thought and discarded ideas quickly through my head of what to do. I honestly don't want power. So after fixing all these problems, I need to be able to fix all the other issues that are causing this world problems so I can finally sit back and relax without having anything to worry about.

Finally I hit upon an idea so ludicrous it just might work. With a wave of my hand for effect, I made every single human being on the planet a magical. Now there shouldn't be any more issues with blood purity. It would take a careful eye for a while to make sure nothing bad happens in the ensuing chaos I just caused, but once everything settles down, everything should be hunky dory. In the mean time, I picked my own private island, set up a nice looking mansion for myself that I could be proud to look at, dropped off all my stuff there, then popped over to the back of the line of first years and unpetrified everyone at once.

Nearly everyone was scared out of their wits, but with the lack of giant snake everything seemed to calm down. With Dumbledore gone, McGonagall had the students sorted whilst the other teachers discretely went around to find out what was happening. They finally found the head ghosts who showed up and I got called in to explain my apparent bout of insanity.

I shrugged and left it to the Ghosts by disappearing. To be honest, I didn't really want to be in Hogwarts anyway. If anything I didn't really want to be Harry Potter in the first place, so I returned to my island and remade my appearance back to the way I'm used to. The world may be in chaos right now, but once it all settles and with me making sure no one kills anyone else or commits crimes, it should certainly be interesting. I'm sure the scientists at NASA will be very interested when they find out they can pop out into space and use magic to see to it they don't die. I'm not sure if it was really a good idea to unleash an overpowered magical humanity upon the universe, but time will tell what may happen.

THE END


End file.
